Recipe jokes
Me in the middle of the night boiling water.
Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?
My brother: How?
Me: You boil the hell out of it.
How do u make a sausage roll?
Push it down the hill.🍆
How to make emo cakes:
Milk Butter Eggs Sugar We're Going Down Swinging!
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
This is a 2 for 1 plane combo that will never exist.
But, it's like a plane pizza.
Nothing happens, but it terrorizes me.
What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?
Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.
What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Home made cookies ;)
Why does the pancake team in baseball always win? Because they have the best batter.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.
Curry.
The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.
What flour do you give an orphan?
Self-raising.
Did you hear about the new Chinese food?
It is called: “Wuhan Fried Bats”!
What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!
How do you make an apple turnover?
You push it down a hill.
What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?
You cook spaghetti with his blood!
Husband: Hey, my dear, this lunch is great. Where did you find the recipe?
Wife: In a detective novel.
I was making vegetable soup yesterday, but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit.
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: "Asperger's."
Note to self.
When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".
Google "cream pie recipes".