Really Jokes

The past, present and future walk into a bar.

It gets really tense.

Friend: Why did you touch me? Me: That guy in the corner with no hair , glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

When your uncle drops a nickel but the only thing he really drops is his pants

huh im really pissed of no matter how many jokes i make no one likes them😭😭:'(:':😔😔😿💔💔👇👇:(

Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.

Donald Trump is like really orange.

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

Theres a kid named little Johnny who would always cuss. Well one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said "lets play a game". so the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. teacher says "A" little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself "well he might say something like a$$" so the teacher calls on sally. sally say "apple". the teacher says "B" little Johnny raises his hand. the teacher though "no he might say something like b!tch". so the teacher goes all the way to R. the teacher says "R" little Johnny raises his hand and say "me me please I really know one". then the teacher thinks to herself "well theres no cuss word that starts with R" so she said "ok Johnny give me a word that starts with R" little Johnny says "a rat!" and the teacher very pleased say "very good Johnny what type of rat" little Johnny says "A big gosh damn mother freaker". sorry I had to edit some word but y'all know what I meant.

I don’t know why I go to the gym being healthy is dying fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up

I’m really good at algebra, I can replace your X without even asking Y

What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed Damn, that really stiff

Marriage is really educational

When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.

A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating." The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!" The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."

What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?

They both get really high.

What word starts with n and ends with r and you wouldn’t wanna call black person neighbor

You really thought n****r

I like your cut G *Slaps really hard* BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

i saw two really tall guys i walked up and said "i didn't know we still have the twin towers"

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.