I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."
What did the person say to the orphan?
"Where are your parents?"
I saw an orphan in the grocery store and asked him, "Where's your mom?" and he cried. Why?
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
What does Michael Jackson ask little boys before going to bed? Are you sleeping?
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
Light blue.
How do you fit a baby in a bowl? ... A blender... and how do you get it out?
Tortilla chips.
It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" the passenger said.
"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
An old lady was low on money because she had spent all of her money on clothes.
So she decided to go to the bank. She walked up to the guy at the desk. She asked if he could check her balance. He asked a few questions to the old lady, like her weight and her height. He asked her if she had done any exercise recently. She was very confused. She got angry and asked the man again to check her balance. So he stood up, walked next to her and pushed her over. He came to the conclusion that she had a low balance.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's a silly question. Feminists can't change anything.
Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."
My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"
What is smegma name?
What happens when you cross a rhetorical question with a joke?
A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."
One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.
What do you call a rich Chinese person? Cha-ching!
Ask Siri what rich North Koreans are there.
Siri: "I could not find anything for this question."
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
