Punishment jokes

I've always been suicidal. Some might say, "Why haven't I actually done the act?" I'll just say, well, I hate myself too much so I thought I'd stay around for the punishment of staying alive.

9 people walked into Bunnings Warehouse.

2 people bought plants.

3 people bought shovels.

1 person yelled.

3 people left Bunnings Warehouse.

1 person was me. I guess those three people are fired! 💁‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000."

But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.

Chuck Norris gets pulled over by a cop, and the cop gets a ticket.

Lynching is just another word for "hanging around."

A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.

The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.

The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."

The reason why God and Jesus have eternal life and the power, aka (holy spirit) is to control us, take our free will, and our eternal life, which is our heaven. Our time!

Just to show up, in the nick of time for the second coming in full costume ready to judge us. Them spending a lifetime preparing their big speech, their excuse of them hiding this whole time.

Lol, Surprise!

Joke being on them.

As we all stand there and are there to judge them, doing what they said they were made for.

Taking our eternal life back from Satan and the Devil and sending them to their home they created themselves!

HELL!

P.S. With a little extra punishments!

The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.

Whoever made WorstJokesEver is going to hell.

In the morning, I become a cereal killer. Stepped on a corn flake.

Then there was the run-in with a pair of orphaned Rice Krispies. Snap. Crackle. No pop.

I've been taken into custody as a cereal offender and am about to be put on trial in Food Court. I fully expect them to sentence me to Life.

When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale

How to punish a blind kid, rearrange his bedroom.

I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.

what do you call a drunken sailer?

arrested.

Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo, so I gave them a halo.

If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?

So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.

One time, I worked at 3 jobs at the same time and my boss said it was illegal.

It got too out of hand and I got spanked.

My friend said, "Let's have a sleepover."

Little did I know it was just at prison.