Punchline jokes
Hickory dickory dock. My wife avoids my cock. She's losing her and having an affair. So I had to slap Chris Rock.
What starts with M and ends with arriage?
Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?
Neither does the child.
Wanna hear a couple of short jokes and a long joke?
Joke,
Joke,
Jooooooooooooooke.
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Boo.
"Boo who?"
It's just a joke, no need to cry!
Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?
A: An egg gets laid.
What is a vampire's favorite animal? A giraffe.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
Those two jokes are not funny at all!
What's an orphan's least favorite joke?
Dad jokes.
I'd make a joke about corn, but it's too corny.
Then again, I could make a joke about eyes, but that would be even cornea. My funny bone is broken. I guess it was because those jokes were too humerus.
What's the difference between a coat hanger and an emo?
Nothing, they both hang.
I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.
What do the Twin Towers and a bad joke have in common? They never land well.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...
I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.
Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.
You wanna hear a suicide joke? Nvm, it didn't make it.
Oh, you need a lesbian joke?
Uhh... gimme a second....
Me???
What happens when you cross a rhetorical question with a joke?
I wish I could say that my life is a joke, but I can't because jokes have a meaning.
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally!