Public safety jokes

Covid 19 stopped mass shootings faster than the Government.

What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?

They both lay pipes in public parks.

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.

Where are the best shooting ranges in America?

Used to be in schools, but now in subways.

Oh, sh**! I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?

So I saw the police. I yelled, "Dumper, get into the fucking yumper!"

Why are cops worried about drunk drivers and not elderly drivers?

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.

What can happen if you bring a hooker into a stranger's house? He will ask you, "Really, are you nuts?"

Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.