Psychology jokes
What happened when the depressed person waved at a tree?
It left him hanging.
Me: I'm afraid of random letters.
Therapist: You are?
Me: [screams]
Therapist: Oh, I see.
Me: [screaming intensifies]
Who am I?
Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?
To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.
How do you get a depressed person to jump?
Put them on a bridge.
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”
My boss told me I have a preoccupation with vengeance... We'll see about that!
I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.
When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.
Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!
If I fall in love with my depression, maybe it'll leave me too.
(Took this from my other account @Toby :) btw)
Person: You're so ugly.
Me: You ugly.
Person: I'm not a mirror.
Me: And I'm not your reflection.
Don’t you hate it when your teacher(s) say, “just focus, it’s that easy?”
And then you die inside.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
Why did the booty go to therapy?
It had some DEEP-SEATED issues.
What’s a depressed kid’s favorite game? Hangman.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute?
They wanted somebody to call "daddy."
For pedophiles, watching teen porn must be like watching mature porn.
Why do orphans love getting r@ped?
Because they want to know what love feels like.
This isn't a joke; I just want to spread awareness of anatidaephobia.