Politics jokes
What does the Trump administration use instead of emails? Alternative fax.
Donald Trump has been banned from Panera.
What's Christian and holey?
JFK.
Why is the U.S. so mad about the Twin Towers? It was an accident. The pilots were new.
Why are Democrats represented by the donkey? Because some Democrats can be such an ass!
Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.
My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.
So I took down his confederate flag.
What's the difference between Palestine and yo mama?
Yo mama can be found on Google maps.
What would Hitler be called if he abused women? Hither!
Anyone know about the war? It's not Russia we should hate, it's Putin that we should. 🙄🤪💅
My favorite sex position is the “JFK,” I splatter all over her as she screams to get out of the car 😂
Why does America suck at chess?
They lost two towers.
In America, you find Waldo.
In Soviet Russia, Waldo finds you.
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.
The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.
Hillary Clinton is elected president...
And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
Communism jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets it.
What do Joe Biden and orphans have in common?
No one loves them!
Slavery has existed in the western world for 3 centuries, but in the Arab regions it has existed before and is still going on, so why don’t people talk about it?
Because it’s only bad when white people do it.
What did Hitler tell the eye doctor?
“I can na-zi.”