Politics

Politics jokes

Clock

A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.

The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.

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  • Kitten

    Hitler walks into his meeting room, turns to his trusted staff, and says, “I want you to organize the execution of 10,000 Jews and one kitten.”

    Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Goering pipes up. “Mein Fuhrer, why do you want to kill a kitten?”

    Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table. “You see, no one cares about the Jews.”

    President

    Hillary Clinton is elected president...

    And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

    The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."

    She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."

    The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

    The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."

    She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."

    On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

    The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."

    Line

    If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”

    Meat

    Why is it okay to stab meat, but I can't stab myself? These woke lefties, BLM, Antifa, feminists, eco-warriors, pro-vaccine libtards are stopping your freedom and right to stab yourself!

    Hitler

    You know Hitler loves you when he comes up to you on Valentine's Day and he says, "Will you be my Valenein?"

    Perk

    Donald Trump is getting all the perks of 2020. He got COVID and lost his job.

    Stalin

    You really can't call Stalin bad. Just think about the people that wanted to die.

    Job

    What did they call Susan B. Anthony when she was sleeping on the job?

    Snoozin' B. Anthony!