Politics jokes
Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy very wise presidents?
They both had an open mind.
Somebody told me to go to hell, so I walked up to Donald Trump.
Want my opinion on Mongolia? It has its pros and Khans.
Why were people sad when John F. Kennedy got shot? All he got was head.
Capital Of San Marino?
What is the difference between human rights and the rights of a human being in?
Hitler was a nazi.
What is the difference between the human rights?
What is the difference between the human rights act of a home from school and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk?
Hillary for president.
My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."
What do Monica and Bill Clinton have in common? They both did not inhale. Lol.
There are more genders than there are cars in a Walmart parking lot.
Why does Trump build a wall?
There’s such a thing as a ladder.
1. Your face is so ugly, I thought it was deformed. It probably was anyways.
2. Even if Donald Trump had time to build a wall, it was probably so you won't squish us with your fatass.
If someone says your face is deformed, just say that's what happens when I look at you.
Welcome.
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump’s wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him.
The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn’t really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump’s friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump’s friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, “Aww, I’m lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!”
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where’s Trump’s clock?"
"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.
What is Donald Trump's favorite game?
Fortnite. Because he can build walls for free.
Why doesn't George Washington carry his ID?
Because he knows he can always ask for a quarter.
How are genders and twin towers alike? There used to be 2, but now it's a sensitive topic.