Playground jokes

My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.

In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.

How were tire swings made?

A tire said, "Goodbye world," and hung himself.

Dad: Want to go to the park, kid?

Kid: Sure.

Dad: Come on.

Kid: Why are we at the orphanage?

Dad: Go in.

A boy in nursery asked a girl out. She ran away crying in fear, so he just went back to teaching.

Why don't orphans go to the park?

Because their parents can't push them on the swing!

1, 2 look at your shoes.

3, 4 they look better than yours.

5, 6 you have no friends.

7, 8 you look like a ape.

9, 10 don't you like men?

11, 12 hell naw I like females.

What do you call a happy child swinging with her friends at recess?

Not Sally.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home.

"So I asked a genie if he could grant me this wish. I wished to be like Michael Jackson. The next day, I was in a playground full of little kids."

Who’s more excited than a kid on his birthday?

Jimmy Savile in a primary school playground.

Why did the orphan go to the playground?

To see if it could find its parents.

What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.

You can always bully an orphan. Who are they gonna tell, their parents?

When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.

A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Thanos snapped.

Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."

The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in. He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.

Teacher: "You can't be here after school without a parent!"

Orphan: -no response-