Physics jokes
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
What do you get when you throw a pebble in the ocean?
A wet pebble.
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
Stephen Hawking didn’t die.
His charger broke.
Why did Jerry fall off the moon?
Because he got hit by a fridge.
Stupid joke about Stephen Hawking that wasn't funny the first fucking time.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand-up.
Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?
Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.
She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.
What's Stephen Hawking's shampoo?
Head and Shoulders. 😊
Why can't Stephen Hawking go to heaven?
'Cause he'd walk up the stairs!
Why did the Ice Cube complain about being so warm? Because he was dropped on the floor.
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
[Link to YouTube video]
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? Hot wheels!
I moved all the Bibles to the fiction section because there is no God, as said Stephen Hawking in 2011, but in 2018, God said there was no Stephen Hawking.
Stephen Hawking's last words were, "Ethernet cable not detected, shutting down."
What brakes but never falls, and what falls but never brakes?
Answer: Night falls and dawn brakes.
Did you hear about the book about gravity? I couldn’t put it down.
Do you want a book about gravity? I couldn’t put it down!