Personal jokes
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.
Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.
Person 1: “You assume I’m gay because I have rainbow hair, I’m wearing a rainbow shirt, and I have a rainbow pride flag behind me?”
Person 2: “You assume I’m disabled because I have deformed arms and limbs, no legs, and I ride around in a wheelchair?”
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
What do you call a black person eating chicken, watermelon, and drinking Kool-Aid?
Reality.
There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”
How do you piss off a color blind person?
Give them a Rubik's cube.
Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?
What word starts with n and ends with r and you wouldn’t wanna call a Black person?
You really thought n****r, didn't you?
I told my fam a joke.
They all looked at me weird and one person even said, "I’m sorry!"
LEGO Ninjago - I like it, okay?
Which of the ninja would be best for an undercover mission as the person in disguise?
Kai. He just has to leave his hair down and no one would know it was him. He uses hair gel, as Cole has said a couple times I think, because his hair looks like fire 🔥!
What do you call an autistic person? Names.
I'm autistic myself, so don't go crying in my comment section.
What's a suicidal person's favorite type of bath bomb?
A toaster.
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
How do you ground a person in a wheelchair?
Take off the wheels!
As a brother, I have to report my sister has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great personality.
Person 1: "I love KFC."
Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"
Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"
Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"
Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"
Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"
Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."
Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"
Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.