Perception jokes

My wife is like a mirror.

I can never look at it.

One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.

"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"

When you ask your brother where his hairline is, and he points where it's supposed to be, and you say, "I don't see one there."

Look over there, I say to a man... he was blind. /ratio /bozo /ratio

Your reflection.

Q. What do Canadian women and Canadian beer have in common? A. They're both stronger than they look.

Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?

"You da bomb!" "No, you da bomb!"

In the US, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

When was the last time you saw yourself in the mirror?

Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.

I saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' t-shirt, so I said, "286lb."

What did the blind man fight in the bar?

The coat rack.

Why can't the blind man see? Because he can't see.

Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.

I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Little Johnny is smokin' hard, The sun looks like Mountain Dew.

A blind man walked into a fish market and said... "Hello, ladies!"

Jesus lives on a long timeline, so he may seem slow to you.

One man's trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.