Perception jokes
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
Is it just me, or do you kids have imaginations?
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.
What do you call a blind German? A Nazi (Not-see)!
How do you blindfold a woman?
Put a windshield in front of them.
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.
I'm reading this book in braille right now, and I know something's gonna happen, I can just feel it.
Did you know Helen Keller had a sister?
Neither did she.
What did the blind man say as he passed the fish stand?
"Hello Ladies!"
What do you call the worst joke ever?
Well, according to my mom, I am.
What did the blind kid get for his birthday?
I don't know, he still didn't look.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.
He said it was the most violent book he ever read.
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.
“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.
Did you know "bj" ends with "job" because if you are giving a man a blow job, it sucks? But if you’re giving it to a woman, it's called "eating out" because it’s a privilege.
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Little Johnny is smokin' hard, The sun looks like Mountain Dew.
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"