Perception jokes

1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.

What do you call a blind German? A Nazi (Not-see)!

Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.

Yo hairline is so crooked it makes your gay best friend look straight.

I'm reading this book in braille right now, and I know something's gonna happen, I can just feel it.

Did you know Helen Keller had a sister?

Neither did she.

What did the blind man say as he passed the fish stand?

"Hello Ladies!"

What do you call the worst joke ever?

Well, according to my mom, I am.

Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.

What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.

How do you blindfold a woman?

Put a windshield in front of them.

A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."

This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.

At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.

On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.

“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.

This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Little Johnny is smokin' hard, The sun looks like Mountain Dew.

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"

Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?

Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.

Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.

Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" and the other one says, "I don't know, I can't see."

How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?

He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!

Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"?