Parent

Parent jokes

Dog

    • I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂

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    • Daughter

    • A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”

    Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”

    Divorce

    • Why did I get a divorce, you ask? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't get me a present and didn't even wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my co-workers didn't wish me a happy birthday.

    As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" That moment, I felt so special. She then asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?"

    "Okay," I said.

    She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, and my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

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    • Suicide

    • I have been thinking about suicide lately. I mean, hey, my mom tells me I can do anything I put my mind to.

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    • Parent memes

    Orphan

    • Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?

    Teacher: What?

    Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.

    Teacher: Why water?

    Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.

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    • Boy

    • I wrote a few jokes:

    What does a 15-year-old boy do without two hands when his parents are not at home? Well, obviously do not jerk off.

    Yesterday a girl from my job invited me to her home and there I had crazy sex. I could not think that her mother is so hot.

    What will happen the morning after the destruction of humanity? Duncan MacLeod makes himself breakfast.

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    • Beer

    • One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.

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    • Fish

    • Lil Johnny looked in his pants and couldn’t find his fish, so he started to yell out, "Lil fishy, lil fishy, lil fishy!" They called child support and sent the parents to jail for putting a fish up a child’s butt.

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    • Orphan

    • My ex was an orphan as a child.

    I should have taken that as the first sign.

    If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?

    Okay

    • My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."

    So I said, "Okay."

    Emo kid

    • I was driving with my parent and shouted, "It's a superhero!" But I didn't know it was an emo kid.

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