Outing jokes

Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

What do you call a cow without legs? Ground beef.

Why isn't the Moon Emo anymore?

Turns out it was just a phase.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water. Jack fell down, his cock was out, and Jill gained a daughter.

What do depressed people do when they’re bored?

They “Hang” Out.

Me: I have depression.

Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!

Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.

The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

What did Steven Hawking say when the WiFi cut out?.........Nothing.

So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A man walks into his house, only to find out somebody stole all of his lamps. He was absolutely delighted.

You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.

Me: Are you okay?

Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.

I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.

I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.

The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.

What’s a reverse exorcism?

It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

How to make time fly?

Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.

How many times does 42 go into 9?

Get in the van to find out.

What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?

When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.

After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...

...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:

370HSSV 0773H

All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.

One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:

"Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."