Outing jokes

Me: I have depression.

Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!

Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.

What did Steven Hawking say when the WiFi cut out?.........Nothing.

So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Me: Are you okay?

Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.

You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.

What do you call a cow without legs? Ground beef.

I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.

Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.

A man walks into his house, only to find out somebody stole all of his lamps. He was absolutely delighted.

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

How to make time fly?

Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.

How many times does 42 go into 9?

Get in the van to find out.

What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?

When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.

"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."

A blond-haired girl, a brown-haired girl, and a ginger-haired girl were out walking when they came across some tracks.

The brown-haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks."

Then the ginger-haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way, they are definitely duck tracks."

Finally, the blond-haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.

Have you heard about the movie "Constipation"?

No, because it never came out...

Q: How do you get the retard kid out of the tree?

A: Wave at him.

Why do kids like Michael Jackson so much?

Because he's made out of plastic, and that's what toys are made out of! 😂

An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"

Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?