Otherness jokes
What did the one ocean say to the other? Nothing, it just waved.
A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned.
Why don't gay men perform anilingus on each other in Greece?
Because anilingus is against the law in Greece.
Why can't two eggs tell jokes?
Because they will crack each other up!
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?
One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.
When rejected:
That's ok, the 3 other little pigs said no, too.
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Orphan Friend: Sure.
Friend: Parents.
Other: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
You’re so fat,
that your family moved to the other side of the U.S.A., but they still see you.
Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.
They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.
When a deaf girl master baits, does she use the other hand to moan?
Roses are red, I am very cool, You, on the other hand, Need to drown yourself in a pool.
What did the lampost say to the other lampost?
Nothing, because it can't speak.
Shortly after the hole was finished, everyone in the forest was looking for long grass to fill the hole. The upper layer covered it with short grass and scattered some grass around the hole so it didn't seem as conspicuous. The next evening, the villagers hid in their houses and turned off the lights and waited inside, while one of the farmers stood outside and, if possible, unobtrusively skimped on a cart.
Around midnight, the Headless Rider appeared with his horse in the village. He saw the seemingly single peasant scooping his hay and rode towards him. He was about to swing his axe, and while he was doing so, he overlooked the slightly more scattered grass near the farmer – and thus fell into the trap. He clumsily slumped into the prefabricated hole together with his horse and now lay there helplessly inside, together with his horse, which swayed in panic as the rider's axe was stuck in its back.
When the villagers heard this, they all stormed out of the houses to surround the hole. They saw the Headless Rider, and when he noticed all the villagers around him, he cursed: “Gaaah! You stupid villagers caught me! I can't do much down here. I give up.” The villagers took his axe away from him. Now they only needed a just punishment for the rider.
One of the villagers shouted: “We should tie him to a rope and hang him! He tried to kill us all and plagued us for a long time. So we should kill him and let him suffer for a long time!” The other villagers agreed with him. So they tied a thick rope to a branch of a large tree that stood in the village garden. The villagers took the Headless Rider out of the hole and dragged him to the rope. As they were about to hang the rope around his neck, they noticed that something didn't fit in their plan to hang the Headless Rider. Then the Headless Rider cried out: “You stupid mortals, I have no head at all! Why are you trying to hang me?”
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.
"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.
"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.
Your mum... payed other people to take you!!!!
Q: What did the DNA say to the other DNA?
A: Do these genes make my butt look fat? 💩
Me: Bomber333 is the imposter!
Other Crewmate: Why do you say that as if you know who the imposter is with 100% certainty?
Then he read my username and knew.
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"
Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."