Otherness jokes
You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.
One day I visited my friend in a hospital.
I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"
Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.
Why did the rock not risk going to the other side of the road?
It's a damn rock, mate. It's not gonna walk!
DB: I'm the only shotgun with more than 1 barrel!
Lancaster: Are you sure about that?
DB: huh?
Lancaster: I have 4 barrels!
DB: WHAT!?
Penta Barrel: I got 5!
DB: *insert becoming uncanny*
Dual Hexagon shotgun: I got 12!
The others: HOW!?
*and that's how an argument started.*
Memes
So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.
I'm scared that it moves at night.
I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.
Another condom name is "Orphan's Home."
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other site? Ah hah hah hah hah!
What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.
Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?
Two muffins are in an oven.
One says, "Man, it is hot in here!"
The other one says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"
What's the difference between me and the rest of America?
I love one and hate the other.
What do you tell twins who are in love with each other?
Go fuck yourself!
Why do anions hate each other?
Because they can't handle the negativity!
I was watching the London Marathon one year, and I saw two runners in costumes. One of them was dressed a chicken and the other dressed as an egg. I thought: "This'll be interesting."
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isnโt talking to me.
What did the fish say to the other fish when it got hooked?
"That's what you get for not keeping your mouth shut."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
TO GET TO THE OTHER SIIIIDE!!!
What did the lampost say to the other lampost?
Nothing, because it can't speak.
A sibling went up to their other sibling and said, "Dad said you're adopted."
The other sibling said, "You are, too."
Then the first sibling goes, "No, I'm not."
And the sibling says, "We're twins."
The other kid goes, "And you're adopted... oh."
There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"