What's Stephen Hawking's other favorite song?
Steve Winwood's "Just Roll with It Baby."
There was a fancy dress party; the theme was emotions.
One guy came dressed in green, and he was envy; another person came dressed in red, and she was anger; another guy came dressed in blue, and he was sadness. Two Indians came, one came with a hole in a pear and his d*** was in the pear, said he was deep in dis"pear." The other Indian came with his d*** in custard, and he said he was f***ing dicustard!
An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."
The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."
The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."
The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman... no other reasons besides that.
What does the donkey say to the other donkey?:
Nothing, donkeys don't talk.
What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?
What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?
"I think I feel a connection!"
Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.
I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.
How'd she burn the other side? They called back.
What did one hurricane say to the other?
"I got my EYE on you!"
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One of them turned to the other and said, "Does this taste funny to you?"
So, two condoms walk by a gay bar. What does one condom say to the other? "Hey, wanna get 'shit-faced?'"
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
Two brothers were arguing. One went: "You're an idiot!"
The other went: "Your brother's a mother!"
He replied: "Yeah, I know. Thanks for agreeing with me."
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, it just waved.
One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."
Why didn't Stephen Hawking cross the road?
Because he rolled over to the other side!
