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Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?

The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.

  • 0

    • What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

    Acne doesn't cum on a kid's face 'til they're 13 or 14.

    Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It's not dead or anything, it's just too scared to move.

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    • The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.

    Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."

  • 8

    • Your mama is so fat that all restaurants say, "Maximum weight 240KG or your mum!"

    Yo mama's so ugly, and her voice is so loud that The X Factor doesn't want or need her to show up to the performances when she sings.

    Is it just me, or when you wipe your ass too deep, it reminds you of your uncle? Just me?

  • 2

    • It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.

  • 4

    • You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.

    But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.

    And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.

    Yo mama got a daughter in a relationship, and I don't have time for you, ASAP, daughter, daughter, or your mother, or your call, or your choice of choice.

    Where would you take Stephen Hawking if he dies, the funeral directors or PC World?

  • 1

    • A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."

    A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

    The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."

    The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."

    The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

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