What did one bear reply to his bad pun?
"Bear with me!"
What camel has 3 humps?
...A pregnant one.
Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other.
"I'm positive!"
Why did C.S.C. fail the trigonometry test?
Cosecant remember his own name.
Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
I came up with this one myself.
Where did the one legged lady work?
IHOP
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Someone unplugged the router.
Three guys walk into a bar; the fourth one ducks.
What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?
What’s the difference between a tire and three-hundred-sixty-five used condoms?
One’s a good year; the other’s a great year!
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.
Doctor: "I have good news and I have worse news." Patient: "Well, what's the bad news?" Doctor: "You have one day left to live." Patient: "What news could possibly be worse?" Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!"
Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"
All these oranges, but you're still the one for me.
Justin: Hey.
Josh: Hey man.
Justin: Why only "man"?
Josh: It feels weird saying the r a c e y names.
Justin: I don't mind.
Josh: Okay, S L A V E.
Justin: Oh no, not T H A T one!
Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."
When you send her a dick pic, but then she sends you one right back...
What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
My mom's name is Angel, and she is nothing like one!
Especially in bed...
One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."
