Old Jokes

I like my women like I like my wine, twelves Year’s old, in the basement, and locked up

What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common

They never get old

My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult she had kids. When they were old enough she told them you could be whatever you want...

I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend, I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!

Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years? Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.

That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.

What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?

They are all locked in the Priest's basement.

One day an old women came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, i pushed her over.

What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.

A pedophile is playing poker with 8 seven year olds. The pedophile has a pair of 7's and three 4's in the river. He smiles and says yay i i got me a full house.

Theres a old lady doing gardning every year nothing grows she goes the the man who lives next door she sez how do you get your tomartoes so big an red he tells her you show them your privates at night time so she leaves that night latter she goes out side an shows the garden her privates the next shes got Zucchinis a meter long !

If I was an object in this world I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shity book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety

Help me....

Whats the difference between a five year old and and a Democrat.... The five year old doesnt expect you to do everything for them. (Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Sahapiro 2020)

In order to get $355 million for his civil fraud case, Donald Trump desperately needed to fundraise. So, in every Republican Party event, he will serve the Patriotic Trump Dog! It consists of an 80-year-old sausage inside a 10-year-old cream bun, topped with Russian dressing.

Trump does have the best people, doesn't he?

Whats starts with M and end with arriage?

Miscarriage Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?

Neither does the child