Old jokes
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
Why do Roman Catholics always call their minister father?
because Roman Catholic men between 18-29 years old received a free anonymous blowjob inside the confessional booth at the glory hole.
I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However, the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.
I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said, "How sick?"
I said, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."
I did so much research that I got bone-tired from doing this, tibia honest. You probably didn't find that humerus. I got a skeleton of these puns. I guess I could learn a femur puns. I was wondering if the creators of this site could talus how they come up with puns or maybe give some advice? I'm only 14 years old.
A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."
I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.
As a hobby, I started taking walks around the old clock tower.
It's a great way to pass the time.
What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.
What do you call an old snowman that survived till summer?...
Water... yup, water...
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!
So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?
And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.
This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"
"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"
What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"? They never get old.
A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair. 😎
If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?
Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.
That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.
What's the difference between a five-year-old and a Democrat?
The five-year-old doesn't expect you to do everything for them.
(Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro 2020)
Yo mama's so old, when she was a girl, rainbows were black and white.