Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis
What do old people have when they are sick.
A going away party.
You know what, I'm done. We are banning "your mom" jokes. They're old, weird, and have been done thousands of times. Just like your mom.
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael, Mark was the owner of a old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible. "Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
Yo mama so old the carpenter uses her crotch as sandpaper.
So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right? And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I'm positive. This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!" "Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"
I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and Mcdonalds ? They both like sticking there meat in 6 year old buns.
How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?
They never get old.
Joke
One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough." The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough." his grandpa replied. The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself
What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?
A bull in a china shop.
I like my women like I like my wine, twelves Year’s old, in the basement, and locked up
What does McDonald's and priest have in common they both put there meet in 10 year old buns
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them. The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach
One day an old women came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, i pushed her over.
How do you check that a rabbit is old?
You check how many grey hares it has
Mom: you need to grow up. your so immature
Me: *glares* get out of my castle ....
Mom: it's a pillow fort
Me: why cant i have an imagination!?
Mom: your almost 19 years old
Me: not good enough ... OUT!
So I was f*****g this b***h right, and I thought I had aides. So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get aides. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight year old get aides?! I guess my sister needs new friends...
