A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀
Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?
Friend: What?
Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.
Why did the sexy 12 year old girl with cerebral palsy get raped? Because her parents didn’t have the decency to drown her at birth.
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
How old are 9/11 victims?
"There, toddlers, here come the airplane!"
You know what, I'm done. We are banning "your mom" jokes. They're old, weird, and have been done thousands of times. Just like your mom.
Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.
Jokes are like your grandparents, old and dead.
In memory of Michael Jackson, Starbucks and various other establishments are introducing the Jackson tea. It's 50 year old water, with a 7 year old tea bag
Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.
I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.
Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.
What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?
They both like sticking their meat in ten year olds
Did you know that, statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile? Not me though, not me though; I live next door to a lil 10 year old boy with a FAT ASS yenno what I'm sayin'???
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 murdered 37 children and 41 adults during the ages of 31-35 years old.
She was then sentenced to a 35 year sentence (Colombian stuff) and came out 70 years old. She then continued to go on a spree and murder 41 more people, in 2 months. 3 years later, 6 stabbed 7 as they were friends. 6 was not sentenced, but deemed a hero. He never forgets that moment. Her soul not floating above, but screaming from the torture it's receiving.
An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.
Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.
When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”
There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.
On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."
So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.
