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OH jokes

People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.

Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."

Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."

Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."

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    • One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."

  • 0

    • Does anyone know where I can get that picture that went around the internet of Steven Hawking looking at the stairway to Heaven and saying “Oh Fu-k”?

    Lady: Will you fuck me?

    Man: No, I don’t have a penis.

    Lady pulls down man's pants and looks in them. "Yes, you do!" she says.

    Man: Oh, I forgot it was there.

    A man goes into a job interview and sits down.

    The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"

    The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"

    The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"

    The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."

    2019 Senior Prank: Hey fellas, let's black out the school. Haha, we're so sneaky, oh yes!

    2020 Senior Prank: Hey guys, I'm a tech whiz, let's spread a rumor on the internet saying a disease called the corona virus exists! Haha, it'd be so funny and good, even the whole world might fall for it!

    Everyone in December 2020 looks at tech whiz: "...you son of a b*tch!!!"

    Tech whiz: "You guys are the a**holes! I mean you fell for it for a whole year!"

    The streets go blank in the dead of the day, not a car to be seen.

    A kingdom of corona-cation, and it looks like mom's the queen.

    The wind is howling with this virus in the air.

    Couldn't keep it in China, everyone knows it's everywhere.

    Don't let friends in, don't be afraid.

    Be the good girl you always have to be.

    Conceal, don't feel your insanity, that the virus caused!

    Don't let it go! Don't let it go! You have to hold it back a little more! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Turn away and slam your doors!

    I don't care what the government says! Let me go to my friend's house.

    Sickness doesn't get to me anyway.

    It's funny how some distance makes everyone insane, and the fears that once controlled me are here and present, oh well!

    It's time to see what I can do to test the limits and break through!

    No right, no wrong, but stay inside!

    WE'RE NOT FREE!!

    Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Be one with the peace inside!! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Watch sad movies and cry!! Here I stand!! And here I'll stay!! 'Cause I have nothing better to do.

    The virus flurries through the air into my house!

    The storm is spiraling, fear and fractals all around!!

    And one thought makes you wanna scream and shout out loud!!

    What if we never go back? What if the past is in the past????

    DON'T LET IT GO DON'T LET IT GO!! And you'll rise at the break of noon! DON'T LET IT GO DON'T LET IT GO!! That's morning girl is gone!! HERE I STAND IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT 'CAUSE THAT'S WHEN I WOKE UP!! Let the virus rage on!!!!!! The sickness never gets to me anyway. DING.

    So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.

    The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.

    So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”

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    • Mother: We need to talk about sex...

    Jason: Oh, sex, tell me what do you wanna know.

    Jason had a big whooping from his mother and big spanking from his dad.

    Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-

    Daughter: Dad, why are you so mean?

    Dad: Because you are so mean, that's why.

    Daughter: You so get on my nerves.

    Dad: I am gonna slap you in your god darn head if you don't shut up.

    Daughter: Wow, Dad, you savage.

    Dad: 21 SAVAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Daughter: Oh my God, I am tellin' Mom that you are doin' that thing again.

    joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

    zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

    joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

    Location is in London by the way.

    One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money.

    His friend: "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"