Numbers jokes
6, 7, and 8 are all scared of 10, but 10 is also scared. Why was 10 scared?
Because it was stuck between 9 and 11.
Gf: "You are a drug."
Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"
Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."
Number.
What’s 1+1?? The number of parents orphans don’t have!
"Number 15: Burger King foot lettuce. The last thing you want in your Burger King burger is someone's foot fungus, but as it turns out, that might be what you get."
What did the calculator say to the student?
You can always count on me.
Why did 10 die??
Because he was in between 9/11.
If 6 was afraid of 7 because 7-8-9, then why was 10 afraid?
'Cause it was right in the middle of 9/11.
Stolen dad jokes: "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"
Do you know the number one cause of death for lesbians?
Getting your fingers stuck in there.
Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."
Why is 9 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9.
Why is 5 afraid of 7? Because 6, 7, 8.
How would you multiply numbers in octoschool?
You octoply, obviously.
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.
Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."
"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with him?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to the ambulancemen and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"
When I'm bored, I text a random number, "I hid the body... now what?"
I harvested indigo to make dye. I made the dye. I made a number dye. I dyed the dye. I rolled the dye. It made me die.
The other day I went on a romantic cruise in Hawaii. Then I met my girl Zendaya on board. She was shaking her ass and playing with her penis. Then she asked me, "Hey, you wanna make love in the cabin?" I said, "Sure, sweet thang," gave me her number, kissed me on the cheek. Next day she woke up because it was a romantic nightmare.
I asked my friend what their serial number was... He said "Cheerios."