Nothing jokes
A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.
They were given everything they needed to succeed, and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.
The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration. He spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.
The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with, and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.
The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water, and beat the shit out of him every single day.
When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.
The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything. I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."
The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get, and yet he won't speak!"
The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"
The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!"
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him when he came home drunk?
Nothing... she couldn't tell.
What did the egg say to the blender? Nothing. It's an egg joke.
Pick up line for girls with the last name "Berg":
"I may be a tall glass of whiskey, but I'm nothing without a few ice Bergs."
Here’s my pun.
Yup literally nothing... jeez this was pretty plain.
Memes
My mom's name is Angel, and she is nothing like one!
Especially in bed...
There's an old lady doing gardening every year. Nothing grows. She goes to the man who lives next door. She says, "How do you get your tomatoes so big and red?" He tells her, "You show them your privates at night time." So she leaves. That night later, she goes outside and shows the garden her privates. The next day she's got zucchinis a meter long!
What does a kid who has autism and reading have in common?
Absolutely nothing.
What’s the difference between a whale and Lizzo?
Absolutely nothing.
What did the chicken say after he died? Nothing.
What did the fork say to the spoon?
Nothing, forks don’t speak, silly!
What's the difference between me and you?
Nothing, the fudge you expected ni-
Why do birds fly upside down over Poland?
There's nothing worth shitting on.
Why did people say a man had nothing? ... Because he was a-nonymous.
Llama: Hey sheep, let's play cards.
Sheep: Llama, fuck off!!
Llama: What's your damn problem?
Sheep: Nothing, I'm just having a Baahd day, okay dick head?
Gwen: Prince, they told me you'd be crying back. What do you want?
Prince: Nothing...BUT CAN WE GET BACK TOGETHER!?!??
Gwen: Sorry...BUT...I have a life to live now. I'm logging off this site and going to watch some TV. I'll be back in 1 hour, but we are done...DONE...DONE.
I used to know a guy from a nudist colony.
Man, I tell you, nothing looked good on him!
Eeeeeeee
Person: Hey, do you know what's the best thing in life?
...
You do realize that I said nothing, right?
Me: Exactly :)
Me: It smells like good fam.
Friend: What's good fam?
Me: Nothing much, what about you fam?