Nothing jokes

Joe Biden walks into the White House kitchen.

"Are those brownies I smell?" he asks.

"Indeed, they are," he was told.

"Gee," he says, "they smell nothing like Girl Scouts!"

What do you do when you see a sad orphan?

Nothing, let them wait for their parents.

What do you call it when you see nothing but pants? Brief psychotic disorder!

Q. What do a one-story house and an Alzheimer's victim have in common? A. Nothing going on upstairs.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

What did the rainbow say to the other rainbow?

Nothing, it was feeling blue.

After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.

Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"

Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."

Lord: "My dog died?!"

Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."

Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"

Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."

Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"

Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."

Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"

Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"

What's the difference between a crumbled man and 9/11... nothing, they're both crumbled.

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.

You look good with anything, but nothing works too.

What’s the difference between Santa and an orphan? Nothing; they don’t have parents.

What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.

Mom: Hey you! What are you doing?!

Me: Nothing, why?

Mom: You're supposed to do your ______.

Me that/every night: *sob*

Friends: Are you okay?

Me: Yeah, fine.

Me in head: Or maybe I'm not okay...

Why did people say a man had nothing? ... Because he was a-nonymous.

You're a train; you ran fast on these rails, but you gain nothing, you only gain pain.

What’s the difference between a priest and target?

Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.

The fish do nothing. That is definitely a bad joke.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Polo G is the goat, but that means nothing to you.

I was excited to watch Fast and Furious because of Dom Toretto, then I realized family is nothing to me 'cause I'm an orphan.

In the French school, four sentences must be written. Fritz heard his mother say, "Close the door!"

Fritz went to his uncle and heard, "Yes, I'll put it there."

Then he came to his brother who said, "They call me Superman, hahaha!"

Finally, his sister looked at a photo and said, "Wow!"

The next day, the teacher said, "Okay, Fritz, it's your turn. Finish eating and take out the trash!" Fritz said, "Close the door!"

The teacher got angry and said, "I want to see the principal." Fritz replied, "Yes, my friend, I am leaving you."

The teacher asked, "I have forgotten your name, what is it?" Fritz said, "I'm Superman! I'm Superman! You're nothing!"

"Who do you think I am?" asked the teacher, who had become very angry. Fritz replied, "Wow!"