Nothing jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road?
For absolutely no reason.
What's the difference between a low tide and your hairline?
Nothing, they're both receding.
There is nothing gayer than butt slapping the ass at Hooters.
What’s the difference between an erection and Edward Holland? Nothing, they're both dicks.
What did Superman say to Batman?
Nothing, Bruce is dead.
Mom: Hey you! What are you doing?!
Me: Nothing, why?
Mom: You're supposed to do your ______.
Me that/every night: *sob*
Friends: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, fine.
Me in head: Or maybe I'm not okay...
A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.
They were given everything they needed to succeed, and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.
The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration. He spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.
The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with, and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.
The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water, and beat the shit out of him every single day.
When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.
The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything. I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."
The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get, and yet he won't speak!"
The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"
The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!"
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him when he came home drunk?
Nothing... she couldn't tell.
From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.
My name shows it all if you can't see, IDC AT ALL, you can ban me.
But let me tell you one thing, Without God, Isr-el is nothing.
So let me say it again, one last time, Free Free Palestine!
What did the egg say to the blender? Nothing. It's an egg joke.
My mom's name is Angel, and she is nothing like one!
Especially in bed...
Here’s my pun.
Yup literally nothing... jeez this was pretty plain.
This is nothing to do with 9/11, but this is my best joke.
What do you call a Paki in a microwave?
Pting pting pting.
Pick up line for girls with the last name "Berg":
"I may be a tall glass of whiskey, but I'm nothing without a few ice Bergs."
There's an old lady doing gardening every year. Nothing grows. She goes to the man who lives next door. She says, "How do you get your tomatoes so big and red?" He tells her, "You show them your privates at night time." So she leaves. That night later, she goes outside and shows the garden her privates. The next day she's got zucchinis a meter long!
What does a kid who has autism and reading have in common?
Absolutely nothing.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, it just waved. This was the worst joke ever.
Eeeeeeee
What does the donkey say to the other donkey?:
Nothing, donkeys don't talk.
Me: It smells like good fam.
Friend: What's good fam?
Me: Nothing much, what about you fam?