Not jokes
me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.
Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.
I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!
What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Call him whatever you want, he's not coming.
Why are orphans not boomerangs? Because they never come back.
Why can't orphans go to Home Depot?
Because they do not have a home!
POV there’s a school shooting.
American: First time, European?
European: Yeah, you American?
American: No, not my first time.
Uh, six teachers are annoying. Thank God I am not getting picked on at school or on this website.
They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!
Why are orphans so good at GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
Why do orphans not like cereal? Because their dad never came back with milk.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
Why did Steven Hawking's snot not go to heaven?
Because there is no ramp to heaven.
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway. 🥁
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
Not Bob.
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
It's not like they'll tell their parents.
John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.
I'm not gay, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars.