Not jokes
I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.
I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!
Why did the orphan chase the family? Because he was jealous that he did not have a family.
(Teacher): "What's one sport you want to do, but you're not good at?"
(Me): "Suicide."
It's weird how Stephen Hawking's last name sounds like "walking and talking," but he could not do either of those!
Why is "dark" spelled with a K and not a C?
Because you can't see in the dark.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not Susie!"
Sally fell off the swing.
Sally has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.
I just reached 10 million pounds in Euro Truck Simulator, but it's not even close to what Rakhmat Akilov achieved.
What is a kind thing to say to someone and what is a rude thing to say to someone?
Kind thing to say to someone: You are the most perfect you there is. Your outlook on life is amaz- (BLAH, BLAH, BLAH ENOUGH!)
Rudist thing to say too someone: You more uglyer than my mama's boyfriend. You are a son of a b word! Okay that is so much rude and why you can say that to a tree but anyway not the point. Bonus: The world's most weirdest name to say to a girl, is Nutter butter, we know that's a weird *and* stupid name because she is not nutter or butter she is a person not a thing! Oh well bye!!!!
Why do orphans not use iPhones?
Because they don't have a home button.
What does an orphan not have in common with a criminal?
Criminals are wanted.
Not funny, guys!
Not sure if the Twin Towers were destroyed or if they were just purposely demolished. 🖐️😀
Me: Name all the planets.
Other person: Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Neptune, Mercury, Uranus.
Me: Not my anus!
I'm tired of seeing Mal's joke the second I open up the site. It's not a bad joke. I'm just tired of it.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back.
What does a Mexican not like in their drink? Ice.
Me: 911, I just killed someone.
Cops: Cool, we will not come.
Me: Why?
Cops: Don't admit a crime.
Phones: *Bang Bang*
Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.
Adam and Eve were sitting on the beach one day, and Eve says to Adam, "Let's go for a swim." Adam replies, "I'm not in the mood."
She says, "Okay, I will go by myself." She puts her toes in the water and splashes around and says, "The water is beautiful, come in!" Adam replies, "Na, still not in the mood."
Eve wades into the water until she gets to her waist. Adam jumps up and yells at Eve standing waist deep and says, "Oh no, now all the fish are gonna smell like that!"