Not jokes
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
Your mama so fat when she steps on the scale, the scale said, "I'm trying to get your weight, not your phone number!"
Why do my parents not love me? Because I've fucked 12 dogs and 7 minors while they were watching!
I love these orphan jokes. It's not like they're gonna go tell their parents. ☠
What's an orphan's least favorite show? Family Guy ;)
It’s not like they can watch it anyway: it’s PG.
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're not wanted.
Best not leave hungry kids unattended!
When I was your age, we had Wacko Jacko, not Florida Man.
I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.
She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."
Why was the orphan so successful? They said "go big or go home," but he could not do the second.
Lol, this joke may not be funny, but what do you call your mom fat and emo?
Why do emo kids not like trees? They always leave them hanging.
Who will hit the ground first, the girl or the apple?
I don't know, it depends if the girl is emo or not. If she is emo, the rope will catch her.
Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.
Why do orphans not know how to play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.
I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.
Being alive is so expensive, I am not even having a good time doing it.
Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.
Why are orphans so naughty at school? It's not like the teacher is gonna call their parents.
What do you call cheese that is not your cheese?
Nacho cheese.