Not jokes
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway. 🥁
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?
"To be and not to be."
What is heavy forward but not backward?
"Ton."
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
Well, they're not laughing now!
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously not 8, because it's still dark in my basement.
In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
What's the difference between a surgeon and God?
God knows he's not a surgeon.
For sale: Dead canary.
Not going cheep.