None jokes

Men built civilisations. Men went to the moon. Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society.

Women did none of those. They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines.

I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed.

I guess it was a bad delivery.

How do men like their women? Striped.

How does a priest like their children? Clean.

Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.

What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.

These aren't funny.

How many emos does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they sit in the dark and cry.

What do you call an orphan family? None existent.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.

If there are 4 Mexicans in a van, which of them is driving?

None of them. Immigration service is.

Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?

Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.

Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.

5 minutes later

Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?

Teacher, the one sucking it?

Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.

People said that we needed to follow in Kobe's footsteps, but there are none.

What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.

An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.

Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?

None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.

How many orphans does it take to repair a house? None, they don't have one.

How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change anything.

I am just kidding, you know gay jokes aren't funny, come on guys.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just sit in the dark and cry.

What's the difference between my ripped jeans and my arms?.

None.

These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.

And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!

In a lesbian relationship, which feminazi cooks?

None, both carpet munchers eat out.

I'm high and it's very hot.

I need some water, but I don't got none. AHAHA.