None

None jokes

Orphan

  • Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?

    The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.

    Ring

  • What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.

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  • Baby

  • How do you make a baby survive a fall of over 300 metres?

    I don't know. I've dropped dozens off the Empire State Building and none have lived.

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  • Cat

  • There were 10 cats on a boat. 1 jumped off. How many were left? I DO NOT KNOW.

    There was none left. They were all a bunch of copycats.

    Bird

  • If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot, how many are still on the fence?

    None, the rest fly away.

    Short jokes

  • All right, I know one joke. Um, there's a mollusk, see? And he walks up to a sea...

    Well, he doesn't walk up, he swims up.

    Well, actually, the mollusk isn't moving, he's in one place.

    And then the sea cucumber, well, they... I mixed up.

    There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber. None of them were walking, so forget that...

    There was this mollusk and he walks up to a sea cucumber. Normally they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke, everyone talks.

    So just then, the sea cucumber looks over to the mollusk and says, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"

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  • Menu

  • Man asking waitress, "Pardon me, miss, may I ask you about the menu, please?"

    Waitress, "It's none of your business about the men I please!"

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  • Lesbian

  • How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change anything.

    I am just kidding, you know gay jokes aren't funny, come on guys.

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