I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm she said “ is it because I warned him when hottness came” I said “ no, you don’t shut up
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because it's extinct.
I woke up one night to a strange noise and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents room. I looked inside and counted, ok one two three finger men and my mom so nothing out of the ordinary so then I checked my sisters room. And I counted 4 other women in the room but then I realized that he sound was coming from right in front of me it was my dad giving me a bj the whole time.
It doesn’t make much sense why autistic kids run down the hall screaming racecar noises. I mean, they aren’t in wheelchairs so I don’t know why they do it
Bosses are like seagulls. They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
I will always remember the last noise i hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf****rs," click, boom
I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.
*was actually up all night watching*
When your little brother hears noice from tour room and your the only one in it
Your maw *micorsoft shuting down noise *
One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house. I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games." Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.
Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply "Nothing, nothing! we're just uh, making cake" and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells "Get out! were making cake!" So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!" and she replies "OMG! Howd you know!?!?" and Johnny replies "Because, I licked the icing off the couch" ayyyyyy.
They toss and turn to the sound of Thunder, but I got watermelon to sooth my slumber!
Porn *sex noises*
What do you call a friendly noise? A sound wave
Last halloween i went dressed as a woman. When i rang the doorbell an elderly woman opened and i made grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands. She immediately called the police and told them excactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First he asked are your parents here and i said nothing. Concerned by my answer he then asked if i was ok so i said nothing. He asked me what my name and i responded, "Hellen Keller.
What noise does Steven hawkings make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune
what noise does Sally like to say? Splat
How did the Asian couple name their child? They dropped pots and pans down the stairs and listened to the noises.
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room? Unnecassary.
