Night jokes

A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.

The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.

My neighbor's daughter gave me a three-course meal last night:

Starters - role play and stripping.

Main course - Reverse Cowgirl.

Dessert - Blowy.

If a blind person can’t see, then do they sleep?

They’re the night watchers while people who see sleep.

"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

Why did the moon go to sleep? Because he was bossy.

Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!

All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.

Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.

Why do orphans hate Fridays?

Family movie night.

I met a gay guy last night.

Man, was he a pain in the ass.

What did one candle say to the other?

"Want to go out tonight?"

My Crandall just be smashing more than you ON DA GIRLS, and he was slapping your girl last night harder than WILL at the OSCARS! ;)

I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had to write this song, cause I’m in your house every night doin' your mom.

I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.

Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.

One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

She asked me, "What are you doing?"

I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."

She asked, "What does that mean?"

I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

There is a dark alley. Who do you call?

Batman.

Mom: It's time for sleep.

Baby: Is that what you think, huh?

Mom: *gives baby pacifier*

Baby: Nice try, hobo.

Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.

*few hours later*

Baby: *still awake*

Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!

Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.

What animal has more lives than a cat?

A frog. It croaks every night.

"Have fun at school night" is what?

Hi 👋 I love 💕 you know I do. What a good night of a good [something].