A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said "Chinese food," so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Indian," so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.
My friend said to me that I am gay my response I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night
I ate taco bell last night i pooped out your hairline
I know what you did with your mom last night, the orphan nah jit trippin you thought i had one
My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing minecraft all night. Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believe that at the time. But now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't
In Africa, it doesn't matter if you're gay, straight or bisexual. At the end of the day, it's night.
When i was 11 My mom came home from the bar super drunk that night and I just wanted to know if they knew where was the cat because I heard a noise.................we had a loooooooong talk the next morning.
one day little johnny saw his grandpa smoking a cigar johnny said can i have puff grandpa said can your dick touch your ass johnny said no then thats your answer later that day johnny saw his grandpa drinking a drink johnny said can i have a sip grandpa said the same thing can your dick touch your ass johnny said no then thats your answer later that night johnny was eating some cookies in the kitchin grandpa said hi son can i have a cookie johnny said can your dick touch your ass grandpa said yes johnny said good go fuck yourself
I was playing Warzone last night, and I shot my teammate that said they were emo. When I shot him, another player did, and it said "assist kill."
i was going to make alligator last night but i noticed that i only had a crock pot😅
Watersharky Music Productions Presents Memories by Conan Gray One, two It's been a couple months That's just about enough time For me to stop crying when I look at all the pictures Now I kinda smile, I haven't felt that in a while It's late, I hear the door Bell ringing and it's pouring I open up that door, see your brown eyes at the entrance You just wanna talk and I can't turn away a wet dog But please don't ruin this for me Please don't make it harder than it already is I'm trying to get over this I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories Now I can't say goodbye if you stay here the whole night You see, it's hard to find an end to something that you keep beginning Over and over again I promise that the ending always stays the same So there's no good reason in make believing that we could ever exist again I can't be your friend, can't be your lover Can't be the reason we hold back each other from falling in love With somebody other than me I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories Since you came I guess I'll let you stay For as long as it takes To grab your books and your coat And that one good cologne That you bought when we were fighting 'Cause it's still on my clothes, everything that I own And it makes me feel like dying I was barely just surviving I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories
One day little johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked what is that daddy. Dad"Oh that's my snake." The next day little johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and askes what is that mom says"that's my bushes" the next day Little johnny cant sleeps so he goes into his parents room and asks dad why is your snake going into moms bushes.
Why do people think about handsome boys at night? Because their dreamy!
me be straight and bored goes to my local bar which has a goly hole out up spending the rest of the night there about to leave when mf I realize I've been sucking a guys cock this whole time ):
How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?
I don't know, I can never see them
Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio the night she died?
To be honest, she was on the whole dashboard too.
one night a father heard his daugter saying good night good night mom god night dad good night mamah good by papa the next day her papa died he heard her saying them a month later good night mom god night dad good by mamah the next day her mamah died well her dad was scared for his life he knew he was next well his daugter said them again good night mom good by dad the next day the mail man droped dead on their porch.
my ceiling fan isnt the only thing thats going to be hanging tonight
I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed anyone know cpr? I said shit I know all the letters of the alphabet. Everyone laughed well except for this 1 guy
why do orphans hate Fridays? family movie night
