Worst Jokes Ever
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
What has a bottom at the top?
Your legs.
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What kind of dog can do magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.
What is heavy forward but not backward?
"Ton."
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
I just found out I'm colorblind. It came out of the yellow.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The sex is the same, but the dishes start piling up.
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? -- Laughing stock.
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."