Worst Jokes Ever
What is black, white, and red all over?
My third wife.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"
Knock knock.
Who is there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go moooooooooooo, not whooooooooooooooooooooo!
Did you hear he died of a virus? A computer virus.
What's the best thing about having sex with a 26-year-old?
There's 20 of them.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
What were Steven Hawking's last words?
Error 404 File Not Found.
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.
What has a heart but no organs?
A deck of cards!
BOB: Wanna know a joke?
LILLY: What? Your hat?
BOB: No, my life :'(
What happens when a clock is hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"
Who needs storage on a computer? Just use an Asian's brain.
One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."
What's green and furry?
Fiona from Shrek.
One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.
A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”