Worst Jokes Ever

The past, the present, and the future were having an argument. It was tense.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.

There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted.

Come on guys, this is nasty, he was my uncle, ffs :(

Why did he go to hell? Because he couldn't use the stairs to Heaven.

Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*

Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?

Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~

Yo mama is so poor, she asked a homeless guy for money.

Yo momma so dumb, she washes her dishes in the river.

Tyler M is not to be sitting in the chair he is right now.

The deaf man said to the waiter:

"Mmmm."

The waiter said, "No English."

Then the deaf man signed, "F U."

Yo momma so stupid that someone said, "You're not that wealthy," and she went to a doctor.

A man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili.

The waiter said, "Sorry sir, this is an Asian restaurant."

So he stretches his eyes and says, "Oh herro, can I get some chiri?"

Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.

Yo momma so fat, she glues together rags as clothes.

Yo mama is so fat, it took Nationwide 15 years to get on her side.

I'm really worried for Stephen Hawking, 'cause how is he going to climb the stairway to Heaven?

Yo mama so short, she wakes up every day in a brick house singing “Everything is Awesome”.

There are more than two genders.

What's black and white and red all over?

A massacre at a funeral.