Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?
Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.
Two's company, cheese a crowd!
I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...
My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"
I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"
She said, "Why?"
I said, "'Cause it's your twin."
Josh: Tell me something funny.
Mark: My life.
They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.
What did one hurricane say to the other?
"I got my EYE on you!"
Why couldn’t the bike stand up?
Because it was “two tired”!
I like wine how I like my woman.
4 year old locked in a basement.
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Answer: Depresso.
Question: Why can't you trust a tree?
Answer: 'Cause they are always shady.
What do you call a mammal that has no hair?
Cancer.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One of them turned to the other and said, "Does this taste funny to you?"
Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."
Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.
Did you hear about the guy whose left side got cut off!
But he’s all right now.
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.