Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.

Bambi was calmly eating grass. All of a sudden, a red dot pointed near his heart caught his attention. He looked around anxiously, and he saw a man in camouflage. He whispered, "Time to join mother, Bambi!" Bambi knew what this meant. He ran. He heard a gunshot, followed by a wave of extreme pain. Bambi fell to the ground. He glanced at his leg, which was no longer attached to his body. The man in camouflage came up to him and stabbed him in the heart. Everything went black...

What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?

I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.

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    • Why did the chicken cross to the U.S. from Mexico?

    To get to the U.S., but he had to show his papers first.

    Normal Europe: Oh no, I lost my iPhone!

    Amish: Oh no, I lost my potato!

    One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.

    One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"

    The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"

    His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"

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    • Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?

    A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!

    Face-Timing My Girlfriend:

    "Hey girl! Are you a veterinarian? Because these puppies are sick!" *shows muscle*

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were out on a hike. They had been going all day, so they decided to make camp and stay for the night. They both woke up at 3 A.M.

    Holmes said, "Look up, Watson, what can you see?"

    "Judging from the position of the stars, it looks like it's about 3 A.M."

    "What else, Watson?"

    "It looks like it will be a beautiful day tomorrow."

    "What Else, Watson?"

    "What am I supposed to see, Holmes?"

    "Elementary my dear Watson, someone stole our tent!"

    An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."

    The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."

    The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."

    The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!

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