What do you call a three-humped camel?
Pregnant.
Yo mama is so fat, she sat on a quarter and popped a booger out of George Washington's nose.
Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?
A: Right where you left 'em.
Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?
A: The ins and outs of child rearing.
Q: What did the iceberg say to the Titanic?
A: I'd hit that.
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
If the shoe fits perfectly, why did it fall off?
One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one, then he/she should stand up.
After a minute, a boy stands up.
The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.
The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."
Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked into the classroom.
The teacher asked them, "Why are you arguing?"
One of the boys replied, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.
So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"
The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."
So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."
When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"
The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I'm going home now."
Why are mountains so funny? Because they are so high!
Why do mountains go to sleep a lot?
Because they are high.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.
Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.
"Correct," says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.
"Correct again," says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"
Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."
Knock, knock. "Who's there?" "A bad joke."
What was the incontinent farmer's greatest problem? He managed his carrot patch but couldn't control his peas!
Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!
What song was played at the flatulent centenarian's birthday? Candle in the Wind!
What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!
