Worst Jokes Ever
Why did Stephen Hawking die when he logged onto Facebook?
It took all his info!
What died on 9/11?
2,996 people.
School reminds me of a penis. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.
My friend's life.
What's bright red and screams when you shake it? A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
William
What's red, green, and slimy and slides down the chip shop window?
Abortion of chips.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
Why do only guys have fun? There's only the word "penis" in happiness.
Angus' love life.
Why did little Timmy drop his ice cream cone?
He got hit by a bus.
I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
There's 20 of them.
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his ass.
What do you do when your baby starts screaming?
Use more lube.
Fruit is like ex-wives.
They both look really good hanging from a tree.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
To fuck the chicken.
It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.
Why did the blind man fall down a well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.