Worst Jokes Ever
I hate these double standards.
If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
Have you seen the movie "Constipation"?
It hasn't come out yet.
When did I wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
A man lost his left arm.
He's all right now.
Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the Statue of Liberty? The statue stands for something.
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
What's the difference between a plane and a woman?
At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.
What’s the hardest part about f...ing toddlers?
My boner.
How do you know you’ve been robbed by an Asian?
The house is clean, the homework is done, but the idiot is having trouble backing out of the driveway.
Sixteen Sodium particles walk into a bar, followed by Batman.
Why can't orphans play catch?
Because they don't have parents to catch the ball.
Where does Stephen Hawking go when he breaks his arm? PC World.
What's red, white, and blue and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
A knife is like hallucinations, both in your head.
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.
My neighbor is like my marriage. They're both in the hole.