Worst Jokes Ever
I once had clothes that were so unbearably uncomfortable,
but I never realized they suited me.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
The witch doctor came in my mouth last week. First hot meal I’ve had in weeks.
Hey mum, why do people keep suddenly dying in our family?
Mum?
Mum?
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
Wow, that is so sunny!
Who are the world's fastest readers?
9/11 victims. 100 stories in 11 seconds.
What's yellow and can't swim?
Georgie.
Yo mama is so stupid that she thought NASA is a gaming program!
A student got a bad letter grade, so the next day he came back with his own letter grade in his backpack: an A-K47.
You want to hear a cheesy pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy!
Hehehehehe.
What the hehehehehehe?
Getting a book on pasta?
Yes. Just imagine the pastabilities there are!
How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a square room and tell her to run in a circle.
Wanna hear a joke?
This site.
Suicidal people are groundbreaking.
Have you heard of the invention of the shovel? It's groundbreaking!
I put peanut butter on my asshole so the dog would lick it, but instead I got bit by ants.
The Make-A-Wish Foundation has gone too far. All of the Make-A-Wish kids asked for cancer to be gone, so they just gave the cancer to all of the Make-A-Wish kids.
Two times four is eight, now stop f***ing asking me!
My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."