What's the difference between flat earthers and my grandfather? Flat earthers are more disconnected from reality than my grandfather is disconnected from his life support.
3+3=****
Anything can be funny with the right delivery, except for abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
My grandfather died at Auschwitz.
Poor fella fell off the guard tower.
Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."
Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."
What's red and runs up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
Why did the bat fall out of the tree?
It couldn’t hang in there.
Why didn’t the girl like stairs?
They were always up to something.
What goes up and down but stays in the same place?
Stairs.
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
A goat drank my Red Bull, so now it's a Baphomet!
A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"
The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
Duck my sick.
What is black and white and red all over?
A newspaper.
What's better than throwing up a stillborn?
Making your wife eat it again.
What’s the best part about banging twenty-eight year olds? There are twenty of them.
I tried to find a camouflage shirt, but I couldn’t find one.
What is round and squishy? A dead baby's head.
