Worst Jokes Ever
I LOVE BIG HAIRY DICKS!
Why did the electron leave the atom?
Because it wanted to be Argon.
Why did the electron leave the atom?
Because it had its ion someone else.
How did you get Sally into a blender?
- Without much resistance.
How do you get Sally out of a blender?
- Tortilla chips.
My friend tried to sleep on napkins.
I guess that's why they're called NAP-kins.
What do McDonald's and priests have in common?
They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.
Where did Janet go during the bombing? Everywhere.
What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.
Person A: Where do you come from?
Person B: Liberia.
Person A: *speaks softer* Oh sorry, do you come from?
My sister's boyfriend is mad at me because I fucked his girl.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite drink?
His dribble.
What does a lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
"Same time next month?"
What's worse than a truck full of dead babies? One alive at the bottom.
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
When I was younger, I thought that it was cool to use knives because kids used to ask me to use them.
By the way, have you seen my sister?
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.
I’m here to collect my bounty, what’s your bounty? Your pants.
Mom: Hey, there's IHOP.
Kid: You hop to.