Worst Jokes Ever

Wow, this group is a joke, like my life.

I like tacos more than you like tacos.

Who likes more tacos?

Mee! said the taco.

A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, "She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?" The wife replies, "Perform the fucking autopsy!"

I don't know why everyone cares so much about 3D printers. I've had a Canon printer for years.

What's black and red and goes 90 miles an hour? A baby in a blender!

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

Why could she not get back up? Because she had no friends.

Knock knock? Who's there? Not Susie...

So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."

I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.

I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.

If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?

I was really rooting to tell that one.

Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?

He doesn't like commitment.

Q: How do you get 10 babies in a trashcan?

A: With a blender.

Q: How do you get them out?

A: Chips.

On Christmas, Mexicans wake up in the morning, then take a nap.

Joking, I know they work hard. They run all the way to the border to decorate the barbed wire.

Chuck Norris: "I block bullets with my beard." Abraham Lincoln: "I catch bullets with my skull."

I was in a terrorist a famous terrorist group. No, not the Taliban. We called ourselves the Talabam.

In America, planes hit the Twin Towers. In Soviet Russia, Twin Towers hit planes.

Me and my friends were talking. Then we started talking about our wives. I said, "So, I married a volcano for a wife. You never know when she will blow up."

There was an enemy with a machine gun.

My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."

So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.

Chuck Norris: "Chuck Norris doesn't fight, he just allows you to lose."

Me: "How come did you lose Return of the Dragon?"

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”

He responded with, “The cat is dead.”

She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”

“She’s playing on the roof.”