Worst Jokes Ever
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
Bird Box.
Meya eats meat all her sins is go off when she eat meat.
Stan Lee walked into a school one day.
Just kidding, he's fuckin dead :(
Tyler is cool.
A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"
The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."
Knock knock. Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollinnnnnn!
What's the difference between snow men and snow women?
Snow balls.
Wanna hear a joke?
Me.
I wish I could kill my family, but you realize you're an orphan.
The only hood I like is pointy and white.
That's why I can't trust people when I don't see their face at night.
Women are like rolls of toilet paper. They are either really cheap or expensive, you use them a lot, and they deal with a lot of sh*t.
Kid: Are you gay?
Me: No, I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on.
I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."
Why did the pedo cross the road?
To get to the pre-school on the other side.
What's wrong with 89?
You blow me and I owe you one.
arya fae
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
What do you call a fruit's penis?
A percock.