Worst Jokes Ever

Suicide bombers, carry bombs and remember to breathe.

I named my horse Mayo.

Mayo neighs.

Maybe I’ll be Tracer.

I’m already Tracer!

Why does Sally have no friends? Because she is obese.

A retard won a break-dancing competition. All he did was go to get a drink.

If Stephen Hawking is dying, where do I take him, Currys PC World, or a hospital?

These murder jokes are just KILLING me!

Knock, knock. Who's there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes a very bad joke!

What dinosaur loves music?

The velociRAPtor!

What is it called when a gay guy punches someone?

Fruit punch.

I am having a shit and there[sic] nothing else to read.

Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!

Carter is a pussy.

A man says, "I'm flying!" He realizes he was pushed out of a plane.

What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?

If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.

What is red, white, and blue and makes me proud to live in this country?

The baby in the corner I choked, stabbed, and then came on.

He is dead.

Christmas special

Me: Can you describe Mrs. Claus in 3 words? Santa: Ho ho ho.

What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..

There is none.

What skeleton does Crap-ton of?

A "bone".