Worst Jokes Ever
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
A man with a drum.
"Well, tell him to beat it!"
Why did half of the world go to hell?
Because they were laughing at morbid jokes.
(You've been warned!)
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?
A period.
Why?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.
About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."
I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."
Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"
when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He lost WiFi connection.
I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.
Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight(ate) nine.
If museums are full of dead things...
Then why aren't there any memes inside them?
When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."
Why is 7 afraid of 8?
Because 8 ate 9, 10, 11!
Your bus is so short... the wheels touch.
Ever wonder why pandas are endangered? Well, China's overcrowded, and therefore they're starving. They have to eat...
Panda: "My god. They're coming! Run! They're hungry! Run! Roll down the hill!"
Chinese People At Bottom Of Mountain With Spears: "Ching chong wing bong KABOB!!!"
Landing on its feet won't help a cat in China...
What happened when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Complete and utter destruction.
I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.
You want some dead batteries? They're free of charge.
A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.
boss: "We have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "How?"
surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "Get out!"
Stephen Hawking died when he ran out of data for the month.