Worst Jokes Ever

Why couldn't the T-rex clap his hands?

Because he's dead.

Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell, not heaven? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.

What do a blonde and a cow have in common?

They're both fat af.

A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.

Sub to Pwediepie!

What do blind people take for granted? Sight.

You're at your girlfriend's house for a family dinner. Your GF says, "Daddy, please pass me the salt," when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.

Do atoms eat booty? No, because they are too cool. ;)

What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest?

Panda-monium!

I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.

Guys tell me that I have a MILF for a mom. So I told my mom that guys tell me that she is a MILF. My mom said to me, "What is a MILF?" so I said, "Mother I'd Like TO F-ck." So my mom started to laugh and said, "Well, you do need a new step dad."

What is red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

Teachers: Do you give your mother that attitude?

Orphan: ...

Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the “utter” side.

My name is Bob, and I am a cow.

My grandfather was a knight, and his name was Sir Loin.

So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."

So there I was, fucking my sister, and she shouts, "God, you fuck like Dad!" I then said, "Damn, that’s what Mom said."

Stephen Hawking died because he tried downloading a free version of Windows 10.

My dad was on a hotdog with ketchup.

Go Kermit, toaster bath.