Worst Jokes Ever
Why are monkeys funny? Because they look weird.
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed.
Lauren: Fine, but it's early.
*Karen wakes up and exits room*
*Lauren hears noise*
Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.
Lauren: *laughs*
Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
I worked at a calendar factory, but I got the sack for taking a few days off!
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he gets to call someone father.
What do you call a spice with a PHD?
Dr. Pepper
I'm hungry.
Which bees produce milk?
Boobies.
What did the cowboy say to the girl on the beach?
"Sandy cheeks."
Well, I'm off to the orphanage to tell "yo mama" jokes.
If I told you Jeremy Palacios was not GAY!
I'd be a liar.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated.
He dead, he alive, but most importantly, he got a new hard drive.
Why can't the skeleton go to the prom?
Because he had no-BODY to go with!
Why don’t Mexicans have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim are in the USA.
Me nan.
Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone, you ugly two-faced hypocrite!
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don’t like ugly peasants.
Man: Your hair color is fabulous.
Woman: I hate your hair color, though.
Man: You look like a dream.
Woman: Then open your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, hypocrite!
Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Yes, I want you dead.
R.I.P.
Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: F*** you, pedophile!
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services for pedophiles.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down, you little peasant.
Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Every other woman I see looks ugly. Bleuch!
Woman: How dare you!
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. I saw you playing with boxes in the store room and saying "I AM KING OF THE WORLD!"
He: I'm Nike, and you're McDonalds.
She: Why?
He: 'Cause I'm doing it, and you're loving it. :)
When you're walking through the garden section at Walmart and you hear your grandpa screaming, "They're in the fucking trees!"
Why did Michael Jackson name his kid Blanket?
What would you call a cover for your cock?